A Long Overdue Update
I've been silent on this blog, so I decided I would take a moment to reflect on the past few months to further help me understand everything I’ve experienced.
Last year I released tutorials on my YouTube channel (after taking a break for a couple years). In addition, I worked a few projects and contracts. You know, the usual stuff.
Events moved along issue-free until I hit a health issue. During a routine physical exam, my heart stopped for two minutes while my wife (an ICU nurse) and my physician performed CPR to revive me. This incident triggered from a mix of a flu shot allergy, lack of food and anxiety.
Although it took two months of tests and labs to determine those facts.
This leads to the most wonderful thing in the world: anxiety; something I have lived with for as long as I can remember. And while the anxiety from the situation sucked, it subsided, and I tried to pick up the pieces and resume life.
A couple weeks after the incident I experienced severe panic attacks. Nothing new but the severity and frequency increased. Every day, I would break down and relive what happened. I would become terrified my heart would stop again. And I existed in this loop, unable to break free of the mental chains.
What’s more terrifying? The thought of death, going from being scared to comforted. I can’t explain nothingness. But a moment transpired in that void where I experienced pure joy.
Anxiety was kicking my ass. A losing battle. I needed help.
I saw a therapist who helped me better understand the imbalance in my brain. And that’s all an anxiety disorder is, an imbalance. I had been resistant to medication my whole life. It was a lie; a quick fix to a more complicated problem. What I learned is that medication is a tool, not a hinderance. Or an easy way out.
And the past few months have been eye opening. While I still struggle with anxiety (and I always will), I now have better tools to combat and understand it. The medication has helped me refocus on my life and put the anxiety ridden what-ifs at bay.
One thing the anxiety always prevented me from doing was being proud of my animated works. There was a time where I removed all my cartoons because I didn’t think I was good enough. Well, that time is over now. I have been re-releasing all my old toons and new never seen material. Will everyone like it? Nope. But I am proud of my body of work. I feel it’s unique and acts as a time capsule to specific moments in my life.
This also means I am back on track with animating new material too. Don’t worry, I still plan to release tutorials. But they may not be as frequent as they were.
I hope by sharing this story it may help someone out there who struggles with similar experiences.
You don’t have to battle anxiety alone. Science is understanding it better everyday. Break your silence. Reach out to a friend or family member, call a doctor. Do SOMETHING.
Otherwise the alternative is not living and fearing every single event that crosses your path. That’s not a good alternative, my friend, Trust me, I’ve been there.
I will try to keep on top of my updates with this blog. Thanks for reading.